The Epic of Bostock - "You look just like..."

So, I was in Wrentham the other day at the Outlets with lovely Shannon and Kathryn Rapacki. I think we were in J. Crew or some such store when some woman came up to me and said, "Oh my GOD, you look JUST like our cousin [insert name], you both have long hair and the same beard! I've NEVER seen two people who look so much alike!"

Never? Have you ever seen identical twins? I don't think I looked that much like the guy they knew.

First of all, if I had a quarter for every time some asshole said that I look "exactly like" some other guy with long hair and/or a beard who looked absolutely nothing like me (with the exception of hair length), I could do my laundry for three years. I've been arguing for years that I do NOT look like that asshole from the Red Sox who keeps a beard and long hair. I don't look a thing like him.

I'm going to start walking around and saying that every Asian looks alike, every Black person looks alike, every blonde girl looks alike, every person with the same hair style looks alike, every skinny guy looks alike, and everyone with [choose arbitrary feature] all look alike.

Granted, maybe I really do look like this guy. But seeing as I've been told hundreds upon hundreds of times that I look like some random asshole who just happens to have long hair (usually not even of the same length, texture, or colour half of the time), I'm going to assume that this woman was a fool.

Why doesn't anyone ever walk up to me and say, "My, you're quite handsome,"? Why do I always have to "look like" someone? Is that person attractive, or do I look like some prick that you hate and is ugly? It makes me wonder if I know anyone who does that. Do I have friends or family out there who meet other guys with long hair who look nothing like me and say to them, "Whoa, you look EXACTLY like this guy I know named Mathonwy,"? I bet some of you do. I don't know who it is, but there HAS to be one of you out there who does this. SHAME ON YOU.

Who do I look like? Math fucking Bostock bitches, that's who.